Welp, I started attending artschool 3 weeks ago. I think my teachers are going to kill us with work lol. Yep, this is heavy training. But I can't complain. This is supposed to make me improve my art as much as possible so I can eventually pass animation schools' entrance exams next year (I expect to fail at most of them but if I work hard enough... who knows).

Honestly, I'm a bit frustrated that I'm forced to learn to draw from the very beginning. And most of my classmates don't have the same level. They think my drawings are amazing while a few years ago, my former classmates were close to my level or even above. I'm not even sure most of them are serious about engaging in an artistic career. But hey, I don't judge people for this. It's difficult to find out what you want to do in life, and sometimes, I doubt myself as well. It's just that this formative year was so very expensive for my family and it frustrates me that some people aren't willing to work seriously. I guess it's because they're rich and don't value money the way less wealthy people do.

ANYWAY, I think it's always helpful to go back to the basics. I really need to train my eye more and more to draw REALLY accurate life drawings for example. And I'm learning to master other stuff I always struggled with, like traditional painting and perspective. Perspective is fairly fun and easy actually... but you need to understand how it works first. It's crazy how just a couple of lessons made me better at it... and I actually ENJOY it now. Holy crap ! A couple of months ago, I would have moaned and groaned at the thought of drawing backgrounds. I bought a book about perspective a few years ago (and I had a teacher for a short time a few years ago)... but it's only now that I really feel like I'm slowly beginning to fully understand and enjoy this stuff.

I just wish I wasn't so tired all the time. I need to find a way to get rid of my anxiety disorder, like really. I got sick last week (a bad cold) and coupled with the disorder, it was a nightmare (insomnia gets worse at night and I feel all of my tiredness in my chest, back and throat during the day ugh... plus my eyes of course). While I first didn't want this, I guess I'm going to try what my psy gave me. It's not the ultimate solution to my disorder but if it makes me feel better during my studies, I'm willing to take it. And I know girls in my class who have similar problems and who take medication too. I'm not alone.

I also hope I will be able to finish my project for the Xenogears doujinshi. I don't think I will be able to produce a comic, sigh... but I will finish the posters at least. I have one week of vacations right now, so let's use it wisely.